deal.

when i was little my parents thought it was fitting to go to church every sunday, i never reall understood why or for what reason they felt like that but i complied because i had no choice. so when i would be young and little id lay in my bed at night with my bible i had from my holy communion in third grade and the gold cross and chain i wore around my neck 24/7 from my grandma that ive had since birth i would lay and basically make deals with "god" one of them being that if he were to take any member of my imediate family that he would basically be getting a 2 for 1 special. that i wouldnt let anyone pass without me. lately my mom has been feeling weird and i keep thinking back to that night i layed there and made those deals with "god" and i think about if anything happends to her what will happen to my family and i keep finding my self crumbling and breaking down and its starting to really get in my head.